+lost (again)

this holidays have been a mixture of down time. major procrastination time made up of labouring sessions of badminton and office filing. and finally perhaps even a tinge of reminiscing the past. it's been 1 month. the holidays are almost over. i thought perhaps everything would sink in. the way i'd like for myself to think. the way to take on this intense up coming year. however. something just seems not right.
"she" seems to be a so called "option" for all this mess, something the players amongest the boys would suggest i'm guessing, they would also suggest draw out the black and white. but not an option i'd ever want to take for not that sake anyhow. because, i know it'll hurt for her, you and me. it'll be another dejavu one where things will replay themselves again. just this time we sit in different seats. the thought of this all really entangles my mind everywhere i go. interesting for someone like me to think this.
but from another perspective. what if i really do like her, she's "the one". just so happens she appeared this time of my life. well like my ususal response. i don't know. in fact my new approach should be, i don't care. there's enough to worry about.