+stop

moral of the story. know who's here for you and who's not. & humans make mistakes.
thankyou mitch (never would've survived a single moment without you. & i did not know you went to Oxford,Havard AND Cambridge, i admire you.) bajer, you make me laugh. how can you put up with a stupid captain like this. hendo, stop telling me i'm a good bloke. jus give me the death sentence. parents, jus don't fly over here, i appreciate it, and i know you want to be with me and see me, but i need some alone time.
you. thankyou. it's been extraordinary tough on you but yet you still listen to my rant and put up with every stupid thing i have to say. yesterdays baddy session was the best game of badminton i've played ever. purely cuz i could focus on the smile of your pretty face and nothing else.
everything's happened. trust wrecked and reconstructed. you and i going through sleepless nights. you crying yourself to sleep. me with a knife. rumours will spring up. questions raised. so stop.
link arms with me. cuz it's jus you and me. againist the interrogation of the whole world.
pull up a smile. and let time do it's work. like everyone has told us. before you know it things will be over.
i don't want to tell you anymore of what you already know.
but certainly i don't want to see a girl that's cried over her long weekend.
but attempted to enjoy it with some quality father and daughter time.
i'll see you on sunday evening chapel stupid.

+smile

face the fucking truth. no matter how many scars i carry. or drips of blood i bled. or however many tears you cry. i can only wait. so don't. don't add an extra scar or don't cry that extra time.
there's literally no point. look it in the eye and face it.
you're "safe" now. good. in fact great.
now me. it's okay i'm not going to hell & i'll live on to face whatever comes.
fuck my optimism.

+chem

a few rules from 1001 rules for my unborn son.

• be sincere.be brief. be seated.
• after writing an angry email. read it carefully. then delete it.
• if you trip in public. don't blame the sidewalk.
• i am not going to sit on my ass as events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. i'm going to take a stand. i'm going to defend it. right or wrong i'm going to defend it.
• if you need music on the beach. you're missing the point.
• a gang isn't a gang without a cool girl in it.
• carry two handkerchiefs. one in the back pocket for you. one in the breastpocket for her.
• be like a duck. remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.

i obiviously fail in life. so i strive as hard as i can to not let anyone down my path. and drag anyone out of it if they are.

don't get sick. i desperately need an advisor.

+done.

what is done is done. & hope is what keeps us alive. & all i ever hope is that one day we'll be okay again.no more drops of tears or blood. no more sleepless nights or crying yourself to bed. none. cut it out. it's a promise we both won't break.
it's a new start. a new week. nothing else to do but pick ourselves up from the pieces & hope for the best.it's easier said than done. all we can do when we look into the near future is to cross our fingers and touch a piece of wood. but nevertheless its the only alternative no. yes now keep everyone proud by being my advisor in the 1sts.

+blame

let me take all of the blame. cuz i deserve it.

i whole heartedly wish this doesn't drag onto anywhere aside mitch and benno.

no knives. no more tears. u're a strong girl. i noe it.

+friday

my room is empty. the floor is silent. my mind is clear.
me? captain? sounds lik an absolute joke. it'll take some time to settle and digest. dr. bajer i hope to disappoint you not. my mind being captain is lik me opening my eyes in the water. it's a blur.

big day tmr. let's hav some fun. serious fun.

+soft

i jus want my weekend. not tmr. not soonish.
now.

+shrink

if only life was so simple.

so many questions of. do i seem this...? am i that...?

wat am i. wat on earth am i.

perhaps procrastination helps to answer things. perhaps.

+rattle

sit bak and watch the world. cuz those in relieve in happiness now will soon be swallowed by reality.

and those who dwell in misery will soon be over the moon with joy.

+understanding

i get how you feel now.

however i doubt it stops me.

cuz with you in my arms i had nothing to worry. jus maybe where your hand is. -.-

+group 4

happy bday dad.
this stupid prac better work -.-
& yes u did wake me up @ 6 this morning ;P

+call

i was talking to her. but i was thinking of u.
she's boring. u're exciting.
p.d.a is the way to go ;P

+surround

no one can ever replace you. the laughter, the d&m's & everything else. irreplaceable.
no friend is even close to the way you make me feel. thanks.

+treasure

you told me to tell you that more often. can i?
to keep.
do i need to look into the future as if you were looking into a microscope. because it'll need imagination to make sense of it.

+misha

i thought she could keep a secret. -.-

i might be mistaken, but please don't get misha to come tell me how to let go. cuz i do noe.
even more so, i'm only sincerly your friend nothing else. i hope you not acting this way if you're pitying me.
i'm sorry if i've made all the wrong assumptions.

+dawn

idk. whether i even agree to that picture or not. however why'd u have to show me that blog.
i was fine. i got over things for the time being. but i guess i did bring it upon myself when i asked you to send it to me. i just didn't feel lik accepting that harsh reality if that's wat it was. i didnt want to hear those things u said. u sounded lik you were pitying me. & i don't want you to.
& yes i'd thought we'd go on longer but i guess i thought wrong. not only so, being with you was one of the best times and memories of my life, undoubtedly for sure.
but now it's all over. and there's a massive hole where you use to be. i just need to keep myself rolling. aka fake it til you make it. or else i'd be missing eco on a daily basis.
i wish things were the way they were when we first started, but sadly it's not. & if i was your loving fd lik you are to me, i'll just have to pick myself up like i have before.


我依然很爱你，教我如何放手，教我如何，爱的像最好的朋友。

+new

thanks. for this mutual agreement. i sincerly mean it. (& my death stares aren't that bad ok :P)

i noe this will take some time. but honestly i'd hate & regret to lose a fd lik u.

skipping two classes really did let me sort myself out.

+end

there's no point for this blog anymore.
add on:
i regret things i didn't say, cuz if did say it. things wuldn't be this way. and i noe it won't repeat itself.but now it's too late.

+sober

Long long ago in a far away land once lived a boy, a fool, who was heart broken, who promised himself never to use the word forever again. He battled through his life in essential yet mundane routines. He had nothing to lose, nothing to worry, but in fact he'd lost all his senses. He had the ability to kick start people's lives out of despair.But also at his disposal put them back at where they started.
Of course everyone's lifes are never still water and are destined to change at some point in time, for good or for bad. And that change made him rediscover two things. His unreasonable ego, something he himself was terrified of. But more so importantly, how to laugh, how to cry and how to grasp for wat means to him.