+Here

i've been torn apart. i've been naiive. i've been circled in thoughts. i've been an asshole
i've keep quiet and away from what weighs the most in my heart. and it fucking stabs me inside

this post didn't come 3 days late, or at the wrong place or express the wrong emotions.

its not late because it was just a matter of whether i wanted to put this on paper or not. not whether the thought exsisted. not in the wrong place because these words are not worthy of being anywhere else but here in this forgotten place. and this is where i want to keep it. nor are they ill expressed.

no i won't listen to snoopy. i will tell you how much i love you. because you seemingly remotely control my mind and everytime you have a bad day i seem to too.

i would wear shorts everyday even in the midst of winter to just make you smirk. and i'd listen to whatever you want to say. i love you. and this isn't in a scent of apology.

wishing you ripped a slap into me that night to wake me up.

+start

back to school. again.

keep going...

+nope

i must say, the feeling of missing you is starting to become numb now. its become a habit. something that just doesn't want to leave my mind. and makes me wonder down all sorts of tracks. of desire. surprises. past and future.

i'm too tired from all this crap about teaching lil kids how to highjump. how to play baddy. fuk it. i need a holiday and in these last few days i've been doing exactly the opposite. and come to even think of it i still have my ee. complex numbers test. reviews. chem homework blah blah blah to do. its true. ib takes your life away

this lifestyle is riddiculous and ironic as it may ultimately sound. i'm sick of the holiday life. almost gets to the brink of frustration. i want to go back 'home' my lil room with a bed and a beanbag. where its communal showers. and spotless appetising food. but of course its cause there's you.

this is depressing. must be because of samantha.

+flash

in the midst of a fake amy winehouse attempting to sing half of my heart and the flashes of a retro polaroid blinding me, alongside a cake that looked as colourful as a rainbow . my mind hadn't drifted anywhere near the thought of grasping hold of a glass of vodka or a chilled bud beer to drown myself back to reality. perhaps i was missing something tonight...

maybe i was missing a girl in "a dress with the top half would be lace and the other half would be shiny material like silk or satin." in black heels and clutch. holding hands with an idiot by the name of tommy. maybe i was missing a girl which everyone would compliment to be charming. elegant.

maybe i was missing you.